As you grow older, you will realise how complicated the world actually becomes.. I have always admired the innocence of a child and how some people still carry it on into adulthood. Adults have to worry about trust issues, moral issues, so why can't we just let some of these barriers slide? We are always out to protect ourselves from others and end up hurting those who are out to protect you.

Sometimes, I am just as confused as to what to do, or what I really want out of life. Mostly, I lack courage to pursue what I really want in life... I want to seek out my happiness but have never taken the first steps to get them.

I really wish the world could be a less complicated place but I know in reality it isn't. I want to hold on to the things I love but they are slowly slipping away... The world continues to move on but I haven't, and that is what's bothering me. I hate to be self-loathing, how ironic is that, I just want the happiness I thought I had found 3 years ago, maybe even 1 year ago when life was interesting, unbelievable as it may sound, the air force was interesting to see the emotions and interactions played out.

University, on the other hand, has dealt me a losing hand... I hope life is simple and that is more than I could ever have wished for... What happened to easily making friends, fraternising with the enemies and have a good laugh afterwards once they become friends? Now, I feel I am on the other side of the fence, jealous of others who have found good companionship. Am I taking for granted for the people I have met? Or am I just afraid I know they are going to drift away sooner or later...

Certain things are juz left alone

Certain things can be just left alone....

The only thing that makes me sad is when someone else is even sadder...

Hope certain things...

We can actually still talk...

Sometimes...

I hate myself because I can't make someone else happier...

I really look like a fool...

To think that I could even try...

When I know I am not worthy...

Some people can find their happiness...

I can never find mine...

Long and way overdue....

Haha...Been too long since I posted here...Another sunday with nothing to do so...

The transition from working life to school life is pretty intense and drastic! Imagine if you have never ever touched your books for like...2 years plus?? The cobwebs have all started to acculmulate inside the brain!

The EDB working stint has been quite enjoyable! What with the 1 entire floor dedicated to a pantry! The long lunch breaks...meeting people working around there, a very gd boss! Must really thank viviana for all the guidance there, hope she has less stress!

Coming into uni has been a life changing experience (for better or for worse... more like the latter =/) and a hectic transition to be thrown back into poring over books again! It has only been half a semester and my notes are enough to fill 2 entire files!!! This is a really^10 crazy course that I have landed myself into... It seriously doesn't help when everyone around you wants to be the creme le crop =(...

Timetable literally sucks....2 days wif 6 hr breaks...2 days wif only 2 hr breaks...and thursday is supposed to be half-day but it never feels like it... Life is revolving around sch...which is super sad...

Everyone else is kinda busy with all their stuff so I hardly get to see anyone else during the weekends... So monotonus that I am dying! =@@@ Swamped with projects, presentations and tests for the past 2 weeks.. Totally screwed my tests! Can't join CCAs either...cause I will most likely reach home at 10pm! Next day lectures all start at 8am!! My gawd...a miracle I can actually make it this far... =/

Seeing the day to day lives of every one around me.. I realise what they mean that Sg is a paper chasing society... Everyone just wants the coverted DEGREE that will land a job, get good money, start a family and die happy.. But what is happiness in death when you can't have happiness when you are alive? Haha everyday I try to convince myself that all this is worth it.. but deep down I will always know its not!! Honestly..this is not what I want... My dream is to travel the world, take in the spectacular sights and sounds, appreciate the different cultures and mixes, see the beauty that is always there!

Again...dreams are dreams...and without money...what is there to think about?? I really want to fufill this dream..maybe 20-30 years down the road? I wish to study overseas but my parents will not allow..=/ Neither are the financial means possible... Have to seize any opportunities that I will get now... =)

On a personal note, fate decides who you will meet and I conclude I have absolutely no fate! No courage plus no fate makes it bad..really bad...Sighz...

I dunno but I am really scared of loneliness...sometimes you do not get along well with the people around you but I really want to try...Again..no courage, no fate.... How to get pass the 4 years???

Random #2

Starting my new temp job at EDB tomorrow!!! Nervous, Sianz, and ZOMG feelings at the same time.... =)

Always check my pants in case I forget to zip it up =)

Weather is becoming like a suana now.. Can believe world is ending in 2012 =)

Never eat 2 steamboats in a row... =)

Suck at tennis... Still thinks its like playing badminton =)

Glad there is hope =)

Random #1

What if do away with passports? I juz wish to travel freely to any country in the world right now. There are just tons and tons of things to see and do! The food, the sights, the people and the cultures of this world are just remarkable and outstanding! =D

Yes...very wierd rite? Colin the juicy caterpillar gummies lol. Wasn't expecting to find this..in of all places..Marks and Spencers..(the bottom line reads:"You are what you eat")

Had dim sum buffet at Lao Beijing with the usual gang at plaza sing today..Super crowded it was with the Starhub promotions, Zhang Dong Liang performing and guest judging a singing competition and Thaipusam!! Watched the movie The imaginarium of Dr. Parneseues (nt sure abt the spelling) and found it to be a deeply Johnny Depp, Heath Ledger, Colin Farell kinda show where the meaning is buried so deep you have to dig it out Lol... Only watch it if you think you are intellectual enough..

Finally got my smasung omnia 2 which is the phone I took that pic with haha.. BUT I am very exsperated about something. First thing my dad tells me when I got home was that I could get any handset at $100 discount if we had signed for the Football EPL channel today!!! Argh!! I would have at least considered getting iPhone..Damn...

Anyway..too late to do anything about it.. Gone to whitesands ystd to make new specs too which are white and silver.. Looking ultra cool lol..

Wohoo!! The last outfield has passed and I am so much closer to..as how jk says it "How you spell ordinary...O..R..D..lo!!" Haha juz carnt wait to get out of this hell I am living in. Feb 10 here I come!!

Been out shopping today with my parents to look look see see at laptops, cameras, hand phones and specs..what I most like to call it as a civilian conversion course (CCC)..Eyeing Asus Eee PC or Acer one slim. A netbook would be so much easier to lug around in Uni compared to a full sized laptop. A new Canon camera would be good too since my old Fujifilm died out on me. Well...as for the handphone, I am juz looking for anyone with a camera and decent Wifi Lol..And my vision is bluring again so a new pair of specs is in order! =D

Was at JK 21st b'day at coasta sands yesterday and gt a chance to see ppl I have not seen in a long long time...Ppl have gotten on wif their lives and I felt stuck in time..Dragging my own feet unnecessarily..

Need to find a new temp job too (anything except tuition or night shifts) otherwise I will not have much to spend. My parents cannot support me all over again since Uni is like 4 yrs, so most of my allowance will have to be taken during that time.

The people you meet come and go..familiarities fade over time. Doesn't matter if you were popular last time or you have an insanely bad reputation, they carry on with getting to know new people, new friends. Don't have the courage to reconnect wif past enemies or even worse.. face up to lost friends. How long can friendships last? Actually, I am scared of reconnecting, lazy is just being an excuse... Pride takes precedence over my life, so don't feel offended if I don't really say "Hi!". In a very selfish way..(I expect people to remember me and those who don't, I juz deemed that I am too insignificant to them)...

2010...Getting closer to 21

Wow....seriously time flies by when you don't even know it. Its already 2010 and most of my friends including myself..am turning 21!! I feel so so so so much older already, and whether I will grow wiser is another thing..

Spent ushering new yr playing mahjong at my house wif rim, ying and xy..I guess we <3 quiet ways to celebrate. We are the only people who can get high playing wif fake money!! I don't care but I must watch the fireworks for next new yr haha!!

Yes!! Finally gonna ORD in like 35 days time...which is very soon!! Now going into my clearance of all the offs and leaves I had accumulated until the 19th, left with 1 more outfield and I will be set! Haha..time really really flies by.. Still could remember the 11th of April 2008, the day I enlisted so clearly lor..Dragging your poor body to tekong and knowing you will be miserable for the next 1 yr 10 months..Soon I can kiss my pink IC again!!

This year of 2010 is gonna be an exciting journey of doing temp work and the start of university, the final leg of any body's education. Zoom zoom, another 4 yrs and I will most probably be out in the workforce already...Very very scary thought...For a guy that hates to plan out his future..
I have a bad peeve of deciding on things in advance so planning what I am going to accomplish in the next 5 yrs, maybe 10 yrs is gonna be tough.

I see my future being bleak, after reading that Sg registered Pharmacists are under payed and under-appreciated, so I hope to give it my all and go into the R&D sector...Still got planning for house, marriage etc...Stress ar...I really envy those people who have an obvious goal in mind already.

Well...this year gonna be 21 so I better buck up!! Sighz...so hard to plan...Not to mention the $$ to spend on presents and going to 21st b'day parties..Gonna start leeching off people of their presents..Hahaha

Leaving you with a peaceful song-- Smile by Uncle Kracker =DD