Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Somehow...there will be a point in your life where you start to question yourself about the things you do and the changes you are going through. For me, it has been a radical journey going through sec sch, jc and currently-NS...
You will ponder upon the changes in your character,whether or not it is the desired outcomes from your youth. I am not the person that I used to be, getting angry at the world..short tempered...agitated. I really wonder why did I turn out this way, or is it because of the demands of this post modern 21st century era...
The one thing I did learn is that there are many people that make this world go round..Giving in to every wish is not the way, so it has to come a compromise. I find it so hard that some people cannot realise their actions will seriously affect those around them. Simple words or actions will trigger a series of events that will shape one's character...
Just saw a few more episodes of gossip girl..and realised that this world is not perfect as it seems..even for the most "perfect" people. There are many sharks in this world that are willing to grab you by the throat and squeeze you dry. What can we do? Its all human nature..but we must not fall and stand up to these people. Nothing can let you down, you have to rely on yourself.
That is what I have learned about life as I was living through it for the past few years....but the picture cannot be as bleak as it seems..
I have to refer to 1 person here who has fallen recently and cannot come back up.. The world is not an oyster and there are some things that people do that will make you upset..angry...disappointed.. However, you cannot hold on to your grudges forever. You have to realise at some point that people will make mistakes and their apologies are even harder to formulate. Your whims and whines will not bring them back to who they are,and its even worse that you have changed your character completely...
Becoming nonchalant will only add to the grievance inside you... You have to learn to accept that he has made a mistake! Get on with life!! Get on with it!!! You becoming this whole other person does not mean that you have handled this situation already.. Someone is trying to make amends but you are just not listening..
Frankly...I also hate who you have become.. Continue like this and I can honestly say you cannot become my friend anymore.. You are too abrasive..too rash..too candour. So different from the person that you were once was... I seriously hate it and can't stand it..
I don't have the guts to tell you this face to face but I hope that this is carried as my wish and hope that it will be granted... You will learn to really forgive his simple mistakes and go back to who you were...the person who had the decency to care about some one's life..
A few more days and it will be Friday the 13th!! Such an ominous date for me to fly off for my last overseas exercise in the Aussie outback..41 degrees!!! How in the world can I survive at such a temperature...at least the very good thing is that we are staying in a hotel and that it is only a short duration of 2 weeks..Wish me luck! I really need this break...
Leavin you here with rihanna's new single- Russian Roulette, life is all about a gamble is it not?
This is how all things worked...
9:38 PM
Monday, August 10, 2009
070809: They Day I got my driving license!!! Such a lucky number and such a lucky day it was =D
Yes...every person's dream is to finally get a license to drive a car around. However I still lack the $$$ to own one...Well, at least the license can still be kept for life. To those that still have not passed yet...juz don't give up and drive SLOWER!! Come on, the test is to drive in the safest manner possible. Anything after is juz to be reckless haha!!
So a milestone in life is reached again..but it surely reminds me how fast I am ageing...Gonna turn 20!! Now my age already starts with a 2, transitioning from teen to adulthood. Wow...So old already...
Getting a license was really a worthwhile thing from all the pain and sweat to be a learner driver when the taxi uncles and foreign drivers behave like maniacs... Hope the car comes soon!!! (my b'day wish haha!! =D)
I was lucky in the sense that I ahd a tester that wanted to rush back for his kopi break LOL!! He juz took me on a short route outside Eunos that did not even consist of a U-turn. Furthermore..there were so many vehicles in the way and the road was wet from the rain. Accumulated a total of 16 points which is still not too bad..Haha =D Better not sit my car or it could be the last ride =x
This is how all things worked...
11:18 PM
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Woah...its been like wat...close to 6 months since I last updated this blog. I read the previous entry and felt " since when was I that angsty?" Haha.. So much has changed in such a short span of time.
My father is now undergoing acupuncture and cupping sessions to ease the diabeties a little. Its quite hard for him to work such long hours to support the family but at least he is still going strong.
Mum is still highly addicted to her Korean dramas...dunno when the craze started though..perhaps it was with "Boys Over flowers"...hmmm... She is so hooked that she recently wanted me to buy the OST to the show..Says alot...
Nothing much more to say about NS...it not going anywhere better but for the time being.. it can't get any worse...what with the H1N1 flu going around..some of the measures taken by camp are certainly very ridiculous... The army is inefficient anyway LOL...
As for myself...I feel like an empty shell right now. Not surprising that NS can be a real brain drainer...everything seems to be done without a purpose. I feel like a lost wandering soul in search of the light at the end of the tunnel. Doesn't help when things aren't going ur way in terms of friendships.
I dunno whether the whole situation that started at the beginning of last year made a big impact on my character..but I know something inside me has changed. It made me realise that you cannot put everything into retrospective, or behind the curtain. Certain situations where you must really open up your heart to look at the big picture. What everyone around you is trying to do, that everything has a reason and the actions will have a big impact on others...
If your heart remains closed.. you will juz cloud yourself in anger, regret and fall into despair. You will never learn the lessons and carry on, shouldering a burden that is too great to bear. If only people can see the light, things will go back to normal, or even better than normal. That is why I tell myself this that you must always understand the bigger picture first before taking any actions...
Secondly, I find it harder and harder to believe in what I see at first sight anymore, not forgetting that bad judgement always spoils my actual intentions... Somtimes you feel that what you are doing is beneficial to the other party but in actual fact, is causing more harm. Now I must take a step back to evaluate all possible scenarios first, before taking any actions. Otherwise the consequences are...
I keep telling myself that I am not THE person that gives great advice but others seem to think otherwise.. I really dunno.. I better stop before more people get hurt...
I really really think that the whole situation has been really absurd... What started as a small spark escalated into a forest fire... The guilt of dropping the matchstick.. I still feel it until this day.. I really cannot forgive myself... I should not have told you the truth.. Maybe if you had found it out yourself, things would have been different from your perspective... I dunno but I have to take this guilt with me for the rest of my life...
If there is anything that I could or can do, I will definitely do it. I am lost for now.... I have never been a great keeper of secrets, so I had left a trail of regrets of mentioning it to people, thinking that I have done a good deed.. So mistaken am I.
Relations aren't going too well either.. I am not a desperate kid but when one lacked lustre and the other lacked courage...I am beginning to have doubts about myself. A soulmate is really what I want to brighten up my days a little, give me more meaning to life... but as luck and fate had it, it was all not meant to be. Should I pluck the courage again to start looking? Or wait for her to come? Given the circumstances I am in now..one seems as impossible as the other.
Haha a lazy sunday afternoon with nothing on the agenda leads to a long entry. At least my feelings are out. Have been downloading many torrents recently..owing to the new external HD I bought from the PC show. Trying to amass a collection while avoiding the authorities LOL...Movies, Games, TV series..etc.
Will be meeting the usual gang later to celebrate zk's belated B'day. I hope that all goes smoothly.. Don't wanna dread the circumstances and anything that could have happened. Don't want Murphy's Law happening today..do we... Day is turning rainy...
Finally leave you all with Built to Last by Melee..A fave of mine..Cheers to every1 =D
This is how all things worked...
3:00 PM
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sighz... It has been a very long time since I had ever felt this frustrated... My feelings are in a jumble and I hope to set things right. Army, I believed, has really changed me for the worst, to the point that I harbour evil thoughts and intentions in my mind. It has made become very impatient and oblivious to people around me... so much so it leaves me angry most of the time too =x. Seriously not what I really wanna become..
Anger is such a complex emotion that I will never really comprehend. It arises mostly from the misunderstandings between 2 parties and many feelings I really cannot digest. I will feel even more confused if you become angry at me for practically no reason at all.. to the point my frustration just grows inside... It builds up and then brings me to my breaking point, which is to not care at all. Perhaps I am a very empathetic person so I get super easily affected by other people's emotions and how they are behaving towards me, so I get affected by sudden changes in moods very quickly. I seriously hate people who are cheery towards you in 1 min and turn their backs on you the next, without any explanations why... This is even more so if you a closer friend to me... I don't wish to feel this way but recent circumstances has led me to behave this way.
Totally detest my whole life now...
This is how all things worked...
9:35 PM
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Yay!!! Today is a big milestone in my life as a human..I signed up for driving lessons!! Applied for school lessons and will start off with my BTT on the 9th of Feb..Carnt wait to start, just dont wanna end up as a Kerb-banger....Just wanna get my licence quick so I dont have to worry about it after studying in university..(May even be borrowing friend's car in the near future =p)
Moving on in life...we complete so many of our goals and aspirations that we overlook alot of things that just makes humanity going..Friendships & Relationships you have built over the years..Are they still gonna go strong forever??
I dont know what friendship constitutes to you but to me..it is something that you can treasure being in the company with as well as carry you forward in life. You may not need to know the person inside out, just so much that he understands you well enough to guide you through the tough days and lonely nights. On the surface it looks like a big brother or sister to you but deep down it really is gonna be something more...
Different people are made differently and a friend must be able to see that. It is achieving that compromising in-between that makes friends more special than strangers. We have to understand each other and the faults we have so we either desperately try to correct them or just do a simple give-and-take. If one way doesn't work than we have to do it the other. We really have to understand what a friend needs in order to fulfill himself so we try our best to fulfill it for them. Be it in the emotional sense or the material well-being, it has to be a selfless commitment. To be able to COMPROMISE is the key so that misunderstandings do not develop...
Now I can say its really up to you to pull him back up on his feet cause he has fallen and stumble alot of times trying to chase after you. Look back and realise all the concern for you is just to make sure your journey in life will be an easy one. Neither you nor I may ever understand him fully but at least try to open your heart to his world and realise what he cherishes. Be honest so that he does not feel misunderstood and lets the world close in on him
A great gift, so special that no one in this world shares the same gift to be able to console people...Be thankful you have it.. Although you feel underappreciated at least the world gains all the good from it. =D
As for me..nothing is more important in this world to me than to see friends enjoy the so little time we have in this world of ignorant wanderers...
This is how all things worked...
10:23 PM
Friday, January 02, 2009
Yikes...Just after the previous entry on new yr at about 7pm..A fire broke out in my house eeeeekkkk!!!!! It started from the oil lamp on the alter that suddenly burst into flames for no reason...because all the windows were closed so it couldn't have been the wind... Luckily I was still calm enough but poured water on it by mistake so the glass shattered... Thankfully I remenbered using powder that was much more effective and put out the fire in a few minutes..Sighz.. What a "great" way to start the new year...
Fate can be a very cruel or forgiving thing... If I had left the house on thursday...I wouldn't even have a roof over my head now cause I was the only person at home... However I never got to meet to clear the air... Strange... Wierd... FATE...
The truth is out.. my suspicion was half-right.. Felt.. Disappointed yes.. Regret yes... Still stuck now yes... It will definately take time to recover from it... As what a good friend would say..It is still better to be a close friend than to have none at all...
My apologies about any misunderstandings I had about you...Rumors are scary to that certain extent but I still feel the whole thing seems to be very wasted...
Don't worry though..my blessings are still with you to have moved on and found someone who would take good care of you...
Leave it at that..I will still hum my own heartbreak lullaby...=(
This is how all things worked...
9:42 PM
Thursday, January 01, 2009
HAPPY NEW YEAR '09!!!!
Haha...A new year has come and it brings alot of new beginnings. Hopefully all the garbage from 2008 will get left behind and the new year can be more promising.
Well...I just read on Yahoo! that having new year resolutions is very Very bad according to a study they have done.
Quote"Mind urged people not to make resolutions focusing on physical imperfections -- such as attempting to lose weight -- because they create a negative self image and lead to feelings of low self-esteem, hopelessness and even mild depression."
Fine...In order not to fall into depression this year, I shall not make any resolutions...=D
Spent the eve wif rim ying xy and sarah at katong karaoke session..as usual rim doesn't and will never open his mouth for fear of the gold block inside falling out... After that sarah had to leave early so we went to xy to spend a quiet new yr...playing Risk LOL.. First time I had ever done this and it was strange..but fun all the same..then had a bridge marathon for like 4 hrs 0.0
So now marks the beginning of the new yr...I wish to say it went all good but sadly it really did not..Apart from losing drastically in Risk...I feel forgotten... =(How can you forget something this important to me... Maybe ur phone batt is flat...or you are now somewhere enjoying yourself..At least I hope you remember and do not know how to contact me...otherwise...I really do not know whether to be angry at myself or you...Frustration just becoz I was a moment too late is something that I can never forgive myself for the rest of my life...I have made alot of bad choices in my life already... I carn't stand the regret of another one...
This is how all things worked...
5:34 PM
