Woah...its been like wat...close to 6 months since I last updated this blog. I read the previous entry and felt " since when was I that angsty?" Haha.. So much has changed in such a short span of time.
My father is now undergoing acupuncture and cupping sessions to ease the diabeties a little. Its quite hard for him to work such long hours to support the family but at least he is still going strong.
Mum is still highly addicted to her Korean dramas...dunno when the craze started though..perhaps it was with "Boys Over flowers"...hmmm... She is so hooked that she recently wanted me to buy the OST to the show..Says alot...
Nothing much more to say about NS...it not going anywhere better but for the time being.. it can't get any worse...what with the H1N1 flu going around..some of the measures taken by camp are certainly very ridiculous... The army is inefficient anyway LOL...
As for myself...I feel like an empty shell right now. Not surprising that NS can be a real brain drainer...everything seems to be done without a purpose. I feel like a lost wandering soul in search of the light at the end of the tunnel. Doesn't help when things aren't going ur way in terms of friendships.
I dunno whether the whole situation that started at the beginning of last year made a big impact on my character..but I know something inside me has changed. It made me realise that you cannot put everything into retrospective, or behind the curtain. Certain situations where you must really open up your heart to look at the big picture. What everyone around you is trying to do, that everything has a reason and the actions will have a big impact on others...
If your heart remains closed.. you will juz cloud yourself in anger, regret and fall into despair. You will never learn the lessons and carry on, shouldering a burden that is too great to bear. If only people can see the light, things will go back to normal, or even better than normal. That is why I tell myself this that you must always understand the bigger picture first before taking any actions...
Secondly, I find it harder and harder to believe in what I see at first sight anymore, not forgetting that bad judgement always spoils my actual intentions... Somtimes you feel that what you are doing is beneficial to the other party but in actual fact, is causing more harm. Now I must take a step back to evaluate all possible scenarios first, before taking any actions. Otherwise the consequences are...
I keep telling myself that I am not THE person that gives great advice but others seem to think otherwise.. I really dunno.. I better stop before more people get hurt...
I really really think that the whole situation has been really absurd... What started as a small spark escalated into a forest fire... The guilt of dropping the matchstick.. I still feel it until this day.. I really cannot forgive myself... I should not have told you the truth.. Maybe if you had found it out yourself, things would have been different from your perspective... I dunno but I have to take this guilt with me for the rest of my life...
If there is anything that I could or can do, I will definitely do it. I am lost for now.... I have never been a great keeper of secrets, so I had left a trail of regrets of mentioning it to people, thinking that I have done a good deed.. So mistaken am I.
Relations aren't going too well either.. I am not a desperate kid but when one lacked lustre and the other lacked courage...I am beginning to have doubts about myself. A soulmate is really what I want to brighten up my days a little, give me more meaning to life... but as luck and fate had it, it was all not meant to be. Should I pluck the courage again to start looking? Or wait for her to come? Given the circumstances I am in now..one seems as impossible as the other.
Haha a lazy sunday afternoon with nothing on the agenda leads to a long entry. At least my feelings are out. Have been downloading many torrents recently..owing to the new external HD I bought from the PC show. Trying to amass a collection while avoiding the authorities LOL...Movies, Games, TV series..etc.
Will be meeting the usual gang later to celebrate zk's belated B'day. I hope that all goes smoothly.. Don't wanna dread the circumstances and anything that could have happened. Don't want Murphy's Law happening today..do we... Day is turning rainy...
Finally leave you all with Built to Last by Melee..A fave of mine..Cheers to every1 =D
