How should it go.....never so well...it seems that life now focuses on one thing...to be the best and forego any godamn thing that has ever helped you before and annialate anything in ur path..=(
Studies....horror at horrendous marks...pressure to get good grades is that all there is? I pushed so hard for the mid yrs get quite good marks but what is the point? Anything must not be done for the sake of doing it...studies apply here to. People expect so much of you but you know how hard is it to give back? Expectations rise with the surface of a new challenge....am I over degrading myself? Or have I became so selfish that I have self-denial,tactless thoughts in my mind every second....How besiege am I to judge what I shld forget not to forgive? Or forgiveness applies to any sin...be it big or small?? I study only to find the world has lost its meaning...I really wish I could still be a 6 year old child...innocent...thick-headed to what is going on around them....So to speak....I am not really ready to take on the responsibilities of an adult....I crave to craft my own imaginitive world and live within it....free from all oppression...dont even get me started on that yet....My life lives on a day to day basis....not what I have ever wanted....facing consequnces fo our mistake....the already saturated world of violence....I cannot face that reality....This reality....All of reality for that matter....
People talk of changing the world lyke the recent LIVE Earth concert...awareness of our global situation...but how much damage has already been done...is it too late? Just like my life....is it too late to change the irreversible?
I cannot confide in anyone anymore....people give me reasons not to trust them....in the end I end up not trustin others thru the influence of others....how ironical....I HATE MYSELF FOR THINKING THIS WAY.....Seriously....I always wanted some one just to be there but no one seems to be....not my parents...friends or close kins. They juz treat me like a passing phase in their lives...Am I transparent....the world is a cruel place.....so so SO SO SO much expectations.....not only from others but also from myself..I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE MYSELF!!!!! I cannot even forgive sumone who has alrdy been influeneced by the world and vent his anger on me.....I feel sad for this person...but even worse....hatred...a virtual character even.....his life was etched in a scar...he juz wanted to scar others too.....sadly he chanced upon me....
Strangely....I saw 3 cats lining up outside my corridor this morning...one was black.one was brown and the other was white....wierd....I have never seen them b4 and the line in a perfect line.....their eyes juz staring...strangely....creepy...
The worse is yet to come as I saw 2 dead cats immediatly after I left my block...one in the carpark...the other while I was on the bus on my way to school....Both killed in the same greusome way...both died in car accidents....strange...strange...a sign?? Possibly not a ghost following me....the supernatural seems a little far-fetched for it to be a sign....but of what??
I tink I realli cannot control emotions anymore....if there is actaully still anything left?? My heart is an empty void...
(P.S. This entry is not meant for anyone to comprehend but if u do....gd for u....)
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